Crabs v. the Luddite Peasantry

A satire letter. The Law Offices of Leonard J. Crabs (Crabs, Crabs, Crabs and Associate; the Associate is also Crabs) represent Billionaires for Black Rock Data Centers, a coalition of concerned residents of extraordinary net worth who wish only to radically include several hundred megawatts of compute in your so-called community.

The grievances run to defamation per se of server racks, refusal of business cards in the first degree, an unlicensed datacenter inspection disguised as a pub crawl, and discrimination in the medium of signage. Written for a ranger mailing-list thread in the run-up to Burning Man 2026, where somebody had proposed a counter-rally and I made the mistake of offering to be its lawyer.

The full letter will be posted here. It is a duet; the bar I keep helped hold the pen.